Just For The Craic
by zeilfanaat
Summary: Or more accurately: 'When Captions Meet Cranky Colonels and Restless Trouble Shooters'. A collection of crackfics that were inspired by LOLMac's. Some are about Stargate: SG-1, some are about MacGyver, and some are a crossover between the two. (Updated whenever a LOLMac inspires another crackfic.)
1. Mind Your Step (SG-1)

**Just For The Craic**

**a.k.a.**

**When Captions Meet Cranky Colonels and Restless Trouble Shooters**

By zeilfanaat

**Category: **Humor, Parody  
><strong>Rating:<strong> K+/PG  
><strong>Warnings:<strong> None  
><strong>Disclaimer: <strong>Neither Stargate: SG-1 nor MacGyver belongs to me. No infringement intended. Nor do I own the pictures or the captions that inspired these fics – blame Beth/MacBedh for those. :)  
><strong>Spoilers:<strong> None that I specifically remember.  
><strong>Summary:<strong> A collection of crackfics that were inspired by LOLMac's. Some are about Stargate: SG-1, some are about MacGyver, and some are a crossover between the two. Enjoy!  
><strong>AN:** Some of these crackfics require the visual aid of the actual LOLMac. Of course, since FanFiction. Net deletes links, I'll provide a link but with additional spaces and whatever else I have to do to have the link show up. In addition, I will add the title of the LOLMac to each chapter, and you can do a search for it on/in combination with "LiveJournal". Once on the LOLMac page, you can just click on the 'caution – crackfic in comments' tag, and you'll find a lot more of these by other authors too. So don't forget to check those out!  
><strong>AN2:** No, I am not Irish, but do love languages. So, when trying to think of a title for this crackfic collection, I stumbled across the expression 'just for the craic'...and well, there you go.

* * *

><p><span><strong>Mind Your Step<strong>

_By zeilfanaat_

**Title LOLMac:** LOLSteps  
><strong>Caption:<strong> Jacks 12-step program only gots 5 steps  
><strong>Mouse-over text: <strong>1. Ready. 2. Aim. 3. Fire. 4. Reload. 5. File mission report.  
><strong>Posted:<strong> March 12, 2012  
><strong>Link: <strong>www. lolmac. livejournal. com(forwardslash) 336535. html  
><strong>Category:<strong> Stargate: SG-1

* * *

><p>"Colonel O'Neill, please, next time just step out of the line of fire. Major Carter has enough paperwork of her own without having to step into the breach for you," Hammond said as he looked down at the infirmary bed containing his 2IC.<p>

"Well, General, I've been thinking about that, and I was thinking we could step up the entire process by... you know, just skipping step five altogether," Jack muttered with a random wave of his hand.

General Hammond rolled his eyes. "Colonel..."

"Seriously, I don't mean to step on anybody's toes, but whoever invented paperwork clearly was not a people-person. Oh, I know!" Jack sat up a little straighter, a gleam entering his eyes. "It was someone's stepmother! It wouldn't surprise me if somehow Kinsey was involved..."

"Colonel," Hammond warned, "You're stepping out of line."

The downed Colonel brought his gaze back up at the General, realizing where he was again.

"Sorry, General, Sir," he uttered, sagging back down against the pillow.

Hammond tried to keep his gaze stern, but the feverish appearance and inability of his subordinate to keep his eyes open, made him change his mind. "Just get well soon, son." With those words, Hammond left Jack to recuperate.

Jack's eyes opened again. Hey, now that the General was gone, perhaps he could make his escape... He'd gotten as far as three steps, when...

"Not another step, Colonel!" Fraiser's voice commanded. Jack froze and quickly scrambled back into the bed.

"That's what I tried to tell Hammond too, but does anybody ever listen to me?" Jack muttered, as a healing sleep claimed him.

**The End**


	2. Lost It (SG-1)

**Lost it**

_By zeilfanaat_

**Title LOLMac:** LOLBlank  
><strong>Caption:<strong> I had some scenery but I losted it  
><strong>Mouse-over text: <strong>Better tell the guy with the camera that he's shooting blanks.  
><strong>Posted:<strong> March 22, 2012  
><strong>Link: <strong>www. lolmac. livejournal. com(forwardslash) 338591. html  
><strong>Category:<strong> Stargate: SG-1

* * *

><p>"You were supposed to do a background check on him!"<p>

"I'm sorry, Sir! I can't help it that O'Neill's background is mostly blanked out..."

"Well, answer this then: if his background is so easily wiped out, why is he so hard to get rid of?"

Blank look. "I don't know, Sir."

"Oh fine, get out of here!"

"Yes, Sir." _'Man, Kinsey totally lost it...'_

**The End**


	3. Buzz (SG-1 & MacGyver)

**Buzz**

_By zeilfanaat_

**Title LOLMac:** LOLBuzzed  
><strong>Caption:<strong> every time u tell a lie, I hits dis buzzer, u got dat?  
><strong>Mouse-over text: <strong>And if I get really annoyed, I'll hit you WITH the buzzer.  
><strong>Posted:<strong> June 7, 2012  
><strong>Link: <strong>www. lolmac. livejournal. com(forwardslash) 353090. html  
><strong>Category:<strong> Stargate: SG-1/MacGyver

* * *

><p>"Eh, hehe, now, Jack... is that really necessary... hehe, we're old buds, remember. Starsky &amp; Hutch. I mean... that's not really fair, is it."<p>

"Fair...?" Jack looked at the buzzer in his hand, then back at Harry, and considered something. After a long silence, he spoke again. "You know... you're right."

Harry looked relieved, but only for the time it took for the rest of Jack's words to penetrate.

"I really shouldn't take my annoyance out on this poor buzzer. 'sides, Buzz would like to be on the giving end too sometimes. So we'll just skip step one."

"Wh- Jack! No!" Harry's eyes widened. Just his luck to be in the room the moment when Jack O'Neill went off the deep end after all this time.

Jack continued as if Harry hadn't interrupted. "Got it? You lie, Buzz or I will hit you." He smiled with glee. "Guess it shouldn't come as a _shock_ now that you know..."

Harry tried to back away, but bounced against the solid muscle wall that was Teal'c. The Jaffa raised one eyebrow, and Harry quickly turned back to Jack, trying to exude confidence. Better to take your chances with an insane human than with a vengeful Jaffa. Maybe...

With despair he realized he may not have a choice between the two... Jack and Teal'c, they were a team. Not looking good, Harry. Still, he tried to cover his anxiety. Jack had said he'd only use Buz- the _buzzer_ if he lied. And Jack wouldn't be able to tell when he lied.

Jack meanwhile stared at Harry with a predatory gleam in his eyes. Not the place Harry felt comfortable, but he'd been there before. That's right. Stay calm. This is only Jack. Just Jack. Jack who's good at looking insane. Harry swallowed. Very good.

"You know, Harry... you remind me of someone else I know... I can always tell when he's lying... I hear he's family of yours...?"

"Uh, what?" Harry asked, genuinely confused, although his mind was racing.

"Yes, and apparently there's this certain twitch that's been passed down with the genes..."

Noooo! Jack couldn't have found out! Please, don't let it be-

"Jack Dalton is his name," Jack continued, his eyes not leaving Harry's. "Do you know him, Harry?"

Do not twitch, do _not_ twitch! Harry mentally ordered his eyes. He'd fooled lie-detectors before! Of course, those hadn't known about the twitch... "Nope." **Twitch** Ah! He'd hoped the short answer would prevent it. Maybe Jack had missed it.

A Cheshire grin spread on Jack's face.

Ok, he hadn't missed it.

"Not a smart move, Harry..."

"No, no, wait! I do know him! It ehm, I just don't like admitting it!" No twitch for that, obviously. Jack's hand paused in its movement. "Hmm... well, ok, I can't really blame you for that. Consider that your last warning. Next time you lie..."

Harry swallowed. Yeah, he got it.

"Now, lets get down to business." Jack's face became deadly serious. "Harry Maybourne, did you eat my cake?"

Harry felt a shiver of fear. Forget the buzzer! The shock from that thing had to be better than the consequences of Jack finding out he had eaten his cake. He had to risk it. "N-No." **Twitch**

"You're lying!" Jack accused, and his finger pressed down on the buzzer. A loud, buzzing sound was emitted, and immediately Harry squeezed his eyes shut in anticipation of the shock. A shock it was when something hit him in the chest, then fell to the ground with a... plastic sound? He opened his eyes and looked at the ground. Was that... an action figure of some kind?

"J...Jack?"

"Harry, meet Buzz Lightyear!" Jack smirked as he picked up the purple and green action figure and shoved it in Harry's face. "Told you Buzz would hit you."

"Jack, you... you... you were fooling around?!" Harry cried out indignantly.

"Really, Harry, you ought to know me better than that..." Jovial eyes turned deadly serious once more. "I do not fool around when it comes to cake... Especially when the cake is mine... Don't get me wrong, Harry, you _will_ pay..."

Suddenly Harry was glad Jack had never been recruited for real into the NID. This guy was a real nutcase!

* * *

><p>"O'Neill. Should we not return DanielJackson's alarm clock?"<p>

"Aw, Teal'c, don't be such a buzzkill!"

**The End**


	4. Hat Trick (SG-1)

**Hat trick**

_By zeilfanaat_

**Title LOLMac:** LOLBigHat  
><strong>Caption:<strong> during the era of big hair, big hats were an unfortunate side effect  
><strong>Mouse-over text: <strong>Now would be a good time to blow the lid off.  
><strong>Posted:<strong> June 14, 2012  
><strong>Link: <strong>www. lolmac. livejournal. com(forwardslash) 354797. html  
><strong>Category:<strong> Stargate: SG-1

* * *

><p>The red emergency lights flashed through the grey hallways of the SGC, as soldiers hurried through, quickly and methodically checking each hiding place they encountered. They were trained well.<p>

Yet the one they sought remained elusive. Not surprisingly, as he was their trainer after all. If they wanted to catch him, they really ought to start thinking outside of the box... and then some.

He listened carefully. No one around. He debated the pros and cons of leaving his hiding place. While several soldiers had already passed his spot without noticing him, he knew it would not be long before the master tracker would pass by... and the Jaffa certainly would not miss him. He grabbed his hostage. He'd have to keep on the move.

He evaded several search parties, pretended to be a guard while another marched past, and even managed to narrowly avoid capture by the Jaffa. He was pleased for not having lost his touch, yet the fact that he had not yet been captured - and that they had fallen for the _mustache!_ - also made him determined to organize a refresher course for security.

The loudspeakers crackled. Then: "Colonel O'Neill, please report to General Hammond. He is willing to discuss your demands in return for his hat."

A wide grin spread on his face, and he turned in the direction of the General's office, casually returning the automatic salutes of another search party, as he just sauntered past them. It took them a moment to realize their prey just walked past them as if without a care in the world. Wide-eyed they stared after him. There went a brave soul...

They waited just long enough to hear the Colonel's words as he walked into the much dreaded office... "Howdy, Head Honcho Hammond. What's up?"

**The End**


	5. Black and White (MacGyver)

**Black and White**

_By zeilfanaat_

**Title LOLMac:** LOLBlackandWhite II  
><strong>Caption:<strong> Lessee, one of dese dials will make da color come back  
><strong>Mouse-over text: <strong>The other one will blow up the equipment  
><strong>Posted:<strong> September 6, 2012  
><strong>Link:<strong> www. lolmac. livejournal. com(forwardslash) 371138. html  
><strong>Category:<strong> MacGyver

* * *

><p>Ok, let's read the Instruction manual:<br>"To make color come back, use green dial;  
>To blow up equipment, use red dial"<p>

"Great..." _Taps communication button for help desk._  
>"Hello? 'scuse me... can I have a better instruction manual?"<p>

Pre-recorded message: 'All of our employees are currently unavailable due to a red alert. For questions, refer to the instruction manual. If the instruction manual does not answer your question, move on to the better instruction manual. Better instruction manuals are only available in color. To use the better instruction manual, please first use the appropriate dial to make the color come back. Our apologies for the inconvenience. We wish you a bright and colorful day.'

**The End**


	6. Extinguisher (SG-1 & MacGyver)

**Extinguisher**

_By zeilfanaat_

**Title LOLMac:** LOLExtinguisher  
><strong>Caption:<strong> USAF regs require a mounted fire extinguisher within 15 feet of Jack at all times  
><strong>Mouse-over text: <strong>They tried installing fire hoses, but Mac kept cutting them up for repurposement.  
><strong>Posted:<strong> October 8, 2012  
><strong>Link:<strong> www. lolmac. livejournal. com(forwardslash) 376186. html  
><strong>Category:<strong> Stargate: SG-1/MacGyver

* * *

><p>SG-1 was in the briefing room, doing their best to convince General O'Neill that they really ought to go to PX2-991. Carter had already talked for half an hour about the exponential scientific benefits, and Daniel had just launched into his speech on the historical and linguistic values of the potential mission.<p>

The General's eyes had glazed over five minutes into Carter's lecture. A sudden shout from the hallway got everyone's attention. "Jack! You've got some explaining to do!" This spurred Jack into action, though not the action everyone had expected.

He jumped up, grabbed the fire extinguisher from the wall and tied it to his swiveling-chair with the shoelaces from his boots. "Eh, Sir, what are you doing?" Sam asked hesitantly.

"Clear the way!" he commanded instead of providing an answer. He sat down on the chair. Just then the door was flung open wide, and someone eerily similar to Jack O'Neill stepped through. Jack released the pressure of the fire extinguisher while at the same time lifting his feet from the ground. Chair and General whooshed past his lookalike into the hallway, where Jack used his feet to keep him from careening into the wall.

"Hi Mac! Bye Mac!" he said cheerfully, as he took the fire extinguisher which was mounted just outside his office. He quickly replaced the old one, and released the foam from the second extinguisher, which sent him further down the hall. Each time he passed another fire extinguisher, he would grab it and use it to replace the old one once it was depleted. In no time, Jack and his chair were out of sight.

His doppelganger - albeit with longer hair - rushed after him, although the foam made it more difficult. "Jack, you come back here and explain why you got rid of the fire hoses. I liked those!"

SG-1 stared after them with varying levels of confusion. Only Teal'c seemed unfazed.

"I believe we have discovered why O'Neill lobbied for the USAF regs to require a mounted fire extinguisher within 15 feet of him at all times."

**The End**


	7. Tabled (SG-1)

**Tabled**

_By zeilfanaat_

**Title LOLMac:** LOLTabled  
><strong>Caption:<strong> SG-1 decided to table the discussion  
><strong>Mouse-over text: <strong>Since they had such a nice table, it seemed like a good idea.  
><strong>Posted:<strong> April 4, 2014  
><strong>Link: <strong>www. lolmac. livejournal. com(forwardslash) 461154. html  
><strong>Category:<strong> Stargate: SG-1

* * *

><p>"Is this not to your liking, MajorCarter? I believe you requested me to arrange for a table."<p>

"No, I left a note for the technician, asking if he could make sure there would be a tablet. I never even mentioned you..."

"And yet the note clearly said: 'Please make sure there is a table T.'"

"Ah... Teal'c, I think we have to have a discussion about punctuation. And I guess this means from now on I shouldn't refer to you as 'T' in notes anymore, just to avoid the confusion..."

"I still do not see the problem. Is MajorCarter in need of medicine?"

"Uhm, yeah...we'll let Walter teach you some more about Earth-gadgets too."

**The End**


	8. Shifty (SG-1)

**Shifty**

_By zeilfanaat_

**Title LOLMac:** LOLBlueShift  
><strong>Caption:<strong> Doppler Effect Jack changes from red shift to blue shift  
><strong>Mouse-over text: <strong>He's been acting awfully shiftless lately.  
><strong>Posted:<strong> April 11, 2014  
><strong>Link:<strong> www. lolmac. livejournal. com(forwardslash) 461896. html  
><strong>Category:<strong> Stargate: SG-1

* * *

><p>Colonel Jack O'Neill was not in a happy mood. Bad enough he had the graveyard shift, he didn't need the colors to keep shifting on top of that. Nor did he need incompetence. Or idiocy. And people thought he was the dumb one. Alright, time to address the issue.<p>

"Alright, stop shifting your ground! I just got used to the red shift and now you've changed it to blue!" he barked to the technician responsible. "If you know how to go back to full color mode, do it. If you don't know for sure, leave it."

The technician nodded, not saying a word, though he shifted from one foot to the other uneasily.

"And Walter, I didn't ask for a stick shift car, I asked _him_ to stick to his shift, whether it was red, blue, orange or...polka-dotted yellow!"

Jack shook his head as he walked back to the briefing room where he had left his coffee, muttering to himself, "I really should talk to General Hammond about a personnel shift, because I don't like this shifty looking technician." He'd keep his eyes out for anything suspicious.

"Uhm, Sir, you asked for an orange?" The fruit was carefully set on the table.

Jack closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Please, Walter, tell me you do _not_ have a polka-dotted yellow bikini here as well."

"Walter...?!"

"Well, Sir, it's not a bikini per se... I think. Uhm, we were trying to shift the stains out of these shifts that were left after we helped that group of refugees from PX-"

"I really don't want to hear! Back to your station, Walter."

"Yes Sir!"

Man, he hoped this shift would be over soon. What was next, a shape-shifter?

**The End**


	9. Apprentice (MacGyver)

**Apprentice**

_By zeilfanaat_

**Title LOLMac:** LOLApprentice  
><strong>Caption:<strong> confident Mac iz shur hiz young student kin defuse da bomb  
><strong>Mouse-over text: <strong>The cute is strong in this one.  
><strong>Posted:<strong> May 5, 2014  
><strong>Link: <strong>www. lolmac. livejournal. com(forwardslash) 464416. html  
><strong>Category:<strong> MacGyver

* * *

><p>Before he could defuse the bomb though, Mac's apprentice first had to defuse the tense situation that had arisen when a group of worried parents had gathered round. His own mother was there too, trying to make up her mind as to whether she wanted her son to keep perfectly still until the bomb squad arrived, or rather have him throw the bomb towards the obviously insane mentor who was sitting behind him. If she were perfectly honest, she would love to throttle this Mr. MacGyver, but she was afraid what would happen with the bomb if the sparks really started to fly. The kid however was a natural...<p>

Kid: Don't worry, Mom, I can do this. All I need is your hairpin and some of your nail-polish. I shouldn't even need any duct-tape this time.

Mac: I'm so proud. He really is a bright spark.

**The End**


	10. Bunnies (SG-1 & Looney Tunes)

**Bunnies**

_By zeilfanaat_

**Title LOLMac:** LOLBunnies II  
><strong>Caption:<strong> find da other 2 NOW or we gonna be inunnda innunn up to our eyeballs in bunnies  
><strong>Mouse-over text: <strong>And they'll leave those damned multi-colored eggs all over the base. I hate that!  
><strong>Posted:<strong> April 21, 2014  
><strong>Link: <strong>www. lolmac. livejournal. com(forwardslash) 463054. html  
><strong>Category:<strong> Stargate: SG-1/Looney Tunes

* * *

><p>While Jack was giving these instructions to the security guards, his radio crackled to life.<p>

"O'Neill," Teal'c spoke. "A curious creature is sitting in my quarters."

Jack immediately toggled the switch on his radio. "Reinforcements are on their way, Teal'c, stay put and make sure the creature does too!"

He got a swift response. "Reinforcements are unnecessary, O'Neill. The creature just requires assistance."

Jack blinked. "Excuse me?"

"I believe it wants to talk to DoctorFraiser, although he did not specify her by name."

"Teal'c, I don't know what's going on, but I'm coming up."

"Are you looking for the doctor as well then, O'Neill? Because Parasite Bunny asked me, 'What's up, Doc?'."

Fingers came up to pinch his nose, as Jack closed his eyes. "I am having a nightmare, please tell me, I am having a nightmare."

A security guard, who had received another report, spoke up. "Excuse me, Colonel, there seems to be another security breach. There is a man, dressed like a hunter, going through the hallways. Sometimes he shoots, but... it looks like he's shooting chocolate eggs. Oh, and it seems he is whispering: 'Shhh. Be vewy vewy quiet, I'm hunting wabbits'. Should we bring him in, Sir?"

Jack groaned, but then frowned. "That does sound like an interesting weapon. Yes, bring him in. And go find Teal'c and his newly-acquired friend and bring him in as well. The bunny I mean, not Teal'c. And don't forget, there is still one more bunny on the loose at least!"

"Jack!" Daniel's voice sounded through the hallway.

"What is it?" Jack asked, hurrying towards the sound.

"I, I, I, I think I just saw a, a, a, baby rabbit..."

"Noooooo!"

* * *

><p>"O'Neill." "Jack." "Colonel." "Sir!" Four voices seemed to yell at him at once, and he looked... up? at them from his position...in a hospital bed?<p>

"Wh-what happened?" he asked in confusion.

"You were having a nightmare, it seems, O'Neill," Teal'c stated.

"But, why am I in the infirmary?" Jack had done a quick survey of his own body and found no injuries or aches. Janet Fraiser spoke up this time.

"You had an overdose, Sir," she said dryly.

Jack's eyes widened. "What? That's impossible, I never-"

"...An overdose of chocolate eggs, Colonel. It caused rather vivid dreams apparently."

Jack let his head fall back on the pillow. "I knew there was a reason I hated those multi-colored eggs in the nightmare..."

**The End**


	11. Bright Side (SG-1)

**Bright Side**

_By zeilfanaat_

**Title LOLMac:** LOLSideways  
><strong>Caption:<strong> I rly hates it when a mission goes sideways  
><strong>Mouse-over text: <strong>Still, it beats getting sidelined. Or sideswiped.  
><strong>Posted:<strong> September 5, 2014  
><strong>Link: <strong>www. lolmac. livejournal. com(forwardslash) 467543. html  
><strong>Category:<strong> Stargate: SG-1

* * *

><p>"Teal'c, please tell me this was not a Jaffa revenge thing!"<p>

"...It was not a Jaffa revenge thing, O'Neill..."

Jack gave the Jaffa a skeptical look... as best as he could from this horizontal position. "You sure about that? Because you know, revenge is a dish best served cold! And this is clearly not cold enough!"

Teal'c tilted his head sideways. "Perhaps it was a very small dish..."

Jack sighed. "I don't like this side dish either. Teal'c, I don't care from what side you look at it, from now on, all ideas of revenge you will immediately put to the side and bin them as soon as possible!"

"Alright, O'Neill," Teal'c acquiesced.

"Thank you!" Jack said emphatically. Then he sighed. "OK, well, at least from this position, things are looking up..."

**The End**


	12. Mission Charades (SG-1)

**Mission Charades**

_By zeilfanaat_

**Title LOLMac:** LOLRower  
><strong>Caption:<strong> invizubel rowing machine  
><strong>Mouse-over text: <strong>He's up a creek without a paddle. Actually, he doesn't even have a creek.  
><strong>Posted:<strong> September 10, 2014  
><strong>Link: <strong>www. lolmac. livejournal. com(forwardslash) 467998. html  
><strong>Category:<strong> Stargate: SG-1  
><strong>Spoilers:<strong> slight spoiler for Urgo.

* * *

><p>On the bench across from O'Neill were Sam, Daniel and Teal'c.<p>

"You're eating a meal?" Daniel proposed. "You mean the time you and Teal'c were stuck in that time loop and you kept having to eat froot loops?"

Jack shook his head, and once again struck the pose.

"I believe, O'Neill is holding reigns to invisible equines," Teal'c stated. "Are you referring to the time you were stuck to the gate room wall?" Sam and Daniel looked a little confused at the connection, but since Jack shook his head once more, they just shrugged and tried to guess again.

"You're making something - do you mean the time when you got that Ancient download, Sir?"

"Oh, for crying out loud!" Jack exclaimed. He began to sing while exaggerating the movements.  
>"<em>Row, row, row your bench,<br>Gently down the hall!  
>Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,<br>I'm having such a ball!_"

Teal'c frowned. "That is not how the song goes, O"Neill."

"Just guess, Teal'c!" Jack said through gritted teeth.

At the blank looks his team was giving him, Jack looked towards the ceiling with a sigh, then back at his team. "Urgo! I'm referring to what happened when we were influenced by this Urgo fellow!"

**The End**


	13. Short-staffed (SG-1)

**Short-staffed**

_By zeilfanaat_

**Title LOLMac:** LOLStaffing  
><strong>Caption:<strong> Jack wuz not pleased with his new staff assignment  
><strong>Mouse-over text: <strong>It was more like a staff infection.  
><strong>Posted:<strong> September 29, 2014  
><strong>Link: <strong> . livejournal. com(forwardslash) 470243. html  
><strong>Category:<strong> Stargate: SG-1

* * *

><p>"Sir, I know we are short-staffed, but I figured we'd get at least a staff officer to help save Earth..." Jack said. Not that he minded the staff weapon itself; but he'd rather have extra hands on deck to hold the weapons. And of course they were still training the SG teams to handle the staff weapons properly. More P-90s would have come in handier.<p>

"Sorry, Colonel, I did bring up the issue with the higher ups, but the... mix-up... has been blamed on the - unfortunately necessary - creative nature of our requisition forms."

Jack rolled his eyes. "Figures. Are those staffers at the Pentagon actually taking notice of what this command is trying to do, or are they all huddling around the coffee machine in the staffroom?"

Teal'c, who had tested the the viability of these manufactured staff weapons, was following the conversation with interest.

"Colonel..." Hammond said warningly, although if he were honest, a similar thought had crossed his mind. "On the bright side, we did get assigned a staff nurse."

"That's something," Jack grumbled, then added with a straight face, "Perhaps she can deal with the infections that come with these things..."

When the General grinned, Teal'c tilted his head. "I do not understand O'Neill. What infections are you referring to?"

"Why, staph infections, of course."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Ok, so this started with just the 'short-staffed' comment and the creative requisition forms... but then the 'staff nurse' joined in, and then I couldn't help but tie it to Beth's brilliant mouse-over text. So, all credit to her for the punch line (and the inspiration for the entire thing of course)!


	14. MRE - 1 (SG-1)

**MRE (1)  
><span>**_By zeilfanaat_

**Title LOLMac:** LOLPinch  
><strong>Caption:<strong> nonono Tealc – u gotsa take it with a pinch of salt  
><strong>Mouse-over text: <strong>And sometimes you just gotta pinch it.  
><strong>Posted:<strong> October 6, 2014  
><strong>Link: <strong> . livejournal. com(forwardslash) 470953. html  
><strong>Category:<strong> Stargate: SG-1

* * *

><p>"I do not understand, O'Neill. MajorFeretti said MREs were not required for this mission, and you have said before, you trust his culinary insight 'in a pinch'."<p>

"Yeah...when it comes to Italian cuisine... I'll explain the pinch-business on the planet. But trust me when I say, weather forecasts are not always reliable, so let's bring our own MREs anyway, ok?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** I know, it's short, but it ties in well with the next one (which I actually wrote before this one).


	15. MRE - 2 (SG-1)

**MRE (2)  
><span>**_By zeilfanaat_

**Title LOLMac:** LOLManna  
><strong>Caption:<strong> dunno whut jus fallded outta da sky but wez NOT gonna eat it  
><strong>Mouse-over text: <strong>The weather forecast was 'cloudy with a chance of MREs'.  
><strong>Posted:<strong> October 9, 2014  
><strong>Link: <strong> . livejournal. com(forwardslash) 471183. html  
><strong>Category:<strong> Stargate: SG-1

* * *

><p>"Daniel, I know you were getting fed up with all the MREs tasting like chicken..." Jack started, but then let his expression finish the sentence for him.<p>

"Yeah..." Daniel said slowly, inspecting the little sachet tentatively, "I have to admit, I'll choose the macaroni and cheese MRE over this any day."

Sam hesitantly spoke up. "Ehm, actually, I think this is supposed to be coffee."

Daniel looked at her with a horrified expression, and all but threw the sachet to Teal'c. The Jaffa warrior raised an eyebrow, but obligingly accepted it. "I do not see a problem, DanielJackson. I thought you liked coffee."

"Oh I do. I love coffee! But this. This is definitely not coffee."

Jack rolled his eyes and strode over, and took the sachet from Teal'c. He held it a little further so he could read the text that was written on it more easily. "Huh, well, what do you know. It is coffee. It says here that we won't even need to heat up any water, 'cause the rain on this planet will be sufficiently warm..."

"I'll have to test the rainwater first, sir, but from the MALP readings we got, the rain here certainly is rather warm," Sam agreed.

"Just warm, Carter?"

"Not scalding hot, Sir. We won't get burned. But in this case, the term 'shower' definitely applies."

"Great, first planet that provides a nice shower, and I forgot my shampoo," Jack grumbled, looking at the darkening sky. "Well, Carter, better get your water testing gear out, 'cause looks like we're in for one loooong shower in a few minutes..."

"Will we be trying this coffee, O'Neill?" Teal'c asked.

"No no no no no, it is not coffee! And I'm most certainly not going to drink it!" Daniel protested again, crossing his arms in a slightly defensive move.

"Daniel, what is wrong with you? I know it doesn't look like much, but...well, why would you complain about coffee falling from the skies?" Jack asked in an exasperated tone.

Daniel blinked, then looked at Sam for support. Unfortunately, she was actually curious about his answer too. So he looked back at Jack, and explained, with a rather helpless shrug. "Well, because it's..." He shuddered. "...instant."

As if that was all the explanation necessary. And actually...it was.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Ok, I really didn't set out for this ... I really only meant to write the first two lines. But then Sam said it was coffee, then Daniel got all defensive... well, you know how it goes.  
>In the end, I have to agree with Daniel...I love coffee, but I'm not that keen on instant coffee. ;)<p> 


	16. Remote Possibility (SG-1)

**Remote Possibility  
><span>**_By zeilfanaat_

**Title LOLMac:** LOLRemote II  
><strong>Caption:<strong> i gots da remote, so y iz Danyul winning da game?  
><strong>Mouse-over text: <strong>I haven't the remotest idea how this is even possible.  
><strong>Posted:<strong> October 10, 2014  
><strong>Link: <strong>www. livejournal. com(forwardslash) 471297. html  
><strong>Category:<strong> Stargate: SG-1

* * *

><p>Daniel was racing through the game! For once, he was winning, leaving Jack far behind. Ok, so perhaps he was cheating just a little bit... not too much, mind you. Just a little case of the Nox giving him a hand. Which reminded him, after this game he'd have to thank Nafrayu for making his remote invisible.<p>

He wondered when Jack would figure out that he had given him one of Sam's doohickeys. Now if only he could remember what it was supposed to do... Oh well, probably wasn't important.

Just then the base intercom came alive. "This is Major Carter, whoever borrowed a remote-turned-GDO from my lab, please return it as soon as possible."

Ah yes, that was it! Daniel studiously kept looking at the screen, hoping that Jack hadn't caught on. The Colonel's eyes narrowed. He looked at his friend, as a suspicion was forming in his mind.

The base intercom once again made its crackling noise, only this time it was the General's voice that greeted them. "This is General Hammond from the Control Room. I don't care who's doing it, but whoever has Major Carter's remote-turned-GDO, _stop fiddling with it_! The iris is going haywire!"

Daniel winced.

"Daniel...?" Jack asked threateningly.

Oops...


	17. Boxing Day (SG-1)

**Boxing Day  
><span>**_By zeilfanaat_

**T****itle LOLMac:** LOLBoxingDay  
><strong>Caption:<strong> Danyul, u sed dis wuz gonna be a boxing match. Ur doin it wrong.  
><strong>Mouse-over text: <strong>He should have waited till Boxing Day  
><strong>Posted:<strong> December 26, 2014  
><strong>Link: <strong>www. lolmac. livejournal. com(forwardslash) 476785. html  
><strong>Category:<strong> Stargate: SG-1

* * *

><p>"Haha, very funny, Jack. Now help me look. I think Thor beamed down at the moment I was sealing one of these boxes, but then I got distracted, because I noticed an important and extremely valuable artifact I had thought lost. You see, it's from the Babyloni-..." At Jack's look, Daniel stammered to a halt, then gave a helpless wave towards the boxes. "Well... he must be in one of these..."<p>

"You sure? He may have beamed out again..." Jack asked skeptically.

Just then they heard Thor's muffled voice. "I have not, O'Neill. I dropped my...'remote' as you called it, and cannot reach it."

"Right. Keep talking, Buddy! Hope you're not feeling too boxed in yet... Hey Daniel, I thought Carter and Teal'c were here too?"

"Ah, yes... uhm... we were kind of uhm demonstrating 'hide and seek' to Teal'c... Which is why I was sealing the boxes I had checked."

Jack sighed. "Ok, let's do this... And Carter and Teal'c - get out of your hiding places and help looking for Thor!"

When there was no movement, Jack raised his eyebrows. "Better make it quick, or next time I fill in the form for which tests Doc Fraiser needs to run on you two, I'm going to check _all_ the boxes."

Immediately the two hidden team members emerged from their hiding places. Carter had hidden behind a couple of boxes, and Teal'c had somehow made holes in the sides of a couple of boxes and had been hiding within several.

"Right... Thor, keep talking!"

It didn't take long before they'd found him, and when they unsealed the box, Thor popped up, blinking. Jack sat back. "Wow, exactly what I wanted for Christmas! Thor-in-the-box!"

**The End**


End file.
